You may be in crisis or stuck in a dead end of blame, weary of the same old arguments. The problems you are suffering may well be the key to psychological growth that each of you needs. So often the complaint we have about the other needs more understanding.
In our difficulties in relationships, we can behave reactively, and either attack or withdraw from our partners.
Imago Couple Therapy, which informs my work, gives couples the means to fulfill the potential of themselves as individuals and as a couple. In romantic love, and ‘in-love’ states we often have deep experiences of being fully ourselves. Then, as the relationship develops, insecurities and power struggles inevitably emerge. It seems that falling in love is a divine diagnosis, the person we fall in love is going to give us the problems we need to solve in order to grow. The beauty of the work is that the stretch we need to make to meet our partner’s needs, is also the stretch we need to make for our own growth.
The Imago method teaches couples how to have real conversations. This includes how to create safe space, how to speak up for oneself and explore ones thoughts and feelings, how to listen.If you have children, the quality of space in which they live depends on the authenticity of your conversations as a couple.
The Vibrant Relationship: A Handbook for Couples and Therapists (Systemic Thinking and Practice Series) by Kirsten Seidenfaden and Piet Draiby (Paperback – Mar 2011)
I highly recommend workshops for couples held by Sophie Slade (find these on the Imago Website gettingtheloveyouwant.com) and by Sue and Bret Wintgens http://www.suewintgens.co.uk.